when it all happened i looked forward to a day like today. i thought that i would look back with all that twenty twenty bullshit and make sense of it all but it still makes me angry. it hurts the way anger hurts. physically, like holding back vomit and it burns like you just held back your vomit. so i tried not to think about it. i put it away hopeing that, eventualy, a day like today would roll around. when i can remember everything. not just the bullshit that pissed me off that day but every bad thing that ever happened to me all throughout reincarnation. lets not fool ourselves though by calling it clerity.
this happened a few years ago when i was standing on the last broken legs of my marriage watching its sand spill into the bottom cylindar and just giving up. i was jaded from fighting with her all the time. never too far from a glass of beer. or a line for that matter. we both did it. we wanted to stay awake but for two different reasons. i worked two jobs.... and she just couldnt stand the idea wakeing up next to me.
i would stare up at mars during the graveyard shift, feeling nothing. wondering nothing. just spent. mars was very bright in the sky that summer. it looked like an air plane slowly descending on you but never quite getting close enough for you to get out of the way. alot of us at work would blankly stare at that planet. we were too exhausted to say shit about it. that year ,it was said, mars orbit would bring it closer to the earth than it had been in like... a long fuckin time or something. it was talked about alot in the news. with that bland insincere concern that news anchors dishout when they talk about the world.
"if you get a chance this evening, folks, you should go outside and take a look into the southern sky. you might be wondering what that bright ass light is up ther but dont be alarmed. an airplane isnt landing on your fuckin house. its just mars."
mars is the god of war.
it was the top story in a slow news cycle. there were still things going on in the world, california in particular, that were still relevant but that shit got old. it was stale and nobody cared any more. mars gave us something to think about besides iraq. besides a bleeding economy. and in california they were damn tired of wasteing any more air time on the dead beats sitting in front of vons holding picket signs. earlier that year there was a labor dispute in californias grocery markets and it made big headlines because it was suposed to have hit close to home. every body goes to the grocerie market right? we all knew thies people and now the man was putting the squeeze on them because he needed a new limo or something right? those poor people. for shame mister man.
i remember how hard every body tried to give a half ass effort to care. all of a suden the martini wife was down with the revolution. she could join THIS fight. thies were people she could identify with. it wasnt a bunch of unsightly darkies refuseing to haul her trash. thies people were clean shaven. alot of them had blue eyes and smiled at her drunk ass when she came in to buy jugs of vodka and olives. i dont want to call the initial support of the labor dispute racialy motivated. thats too simple. it had to do more with the class and station of the people involved. people cared because something needed to be done and it was much more inviteing to speak your mind to a news crew in front of the market than it is to be down for the cause standing in front of a dumpster. we now had the convenience that the american public demanded of its revolutions.
i tried to care too but i didnt. i wanted to. i wanted to belive that something was being done about the problems in our society. i wanted to believe in the good fight. that it was being fought on behalf of those that could not fight it. everybody did. it was disgusting. the whole community gatherd around to see what the rukus was. like they do when a fuckin house is burning down.
i over heard, from time to time, conversations that people were haveing about the picketters. the part of me that tried to care would turn my ear in their direction and soak up their opinions and stances on the subject. what was unusual to me was how many people felt guilty "crossing the picket line". that guilt was labors only real leverage against management in this fight.
originaly they wanted management to unerstand that what the workers did when they clocked in was more than just a job. it was the glue of the community. a humble service that was an esential component to americas life blood. so they sold themselves in the media like they were your neighbors or cousins or like they delivered fuckin babys or something. they were banking on the community rallying around them and telling the corperations that they will not let their neighbors be picked on. and untill they stop their opression of the working man thay will do their shopping else where. they wanted to hit the CEO's in their pocket books.
but that didnt work because of the simple fact that not enough people realy gave a shit. so they changed their tactics. they started to play the guilt card. i dont blame them. yeah its desperate but guilt is a very powerful weapon. i once guilt tripped an ex-girlfriend into anal sex after she disapeared one weekend on a cocaine binge.
she hates me now but as a means to an end .......... guilt works.
first it was subtle. they began giveing customers dirty looks and yelling out traitor at the people walking into the store. thats what they yelled at sam when she went down to get diapers for our son. thats when i began to care. she stormed into the house with the diapers screaming about some mother fucker in front of vons talking shit to her. she was frustrated and almost in tears when she told me what happened. she doesnt watch the news so she had absolutley no idea what the fuck was going on. all she knew was that some asshole just got in her face and started yelling at her.
i fallowed the story in the papers on the bus to work. they interviewd people on both sides. some rich mother fuckin lawyer for the big companies and some rich ass union chief for labor takeing shots at eachother in the press. at first i sided with the labor because after working hollidays in retail for 5 years you begin to understand what they mean when they talk about a hall mark conspiracy. i felt obligated to stick up for the workers. i just couldnt get into the image of themselves that they tried to shovel on us. when i would go to the grocerie store i didnt see some unapreciated yet vital part of the community. i saw that bitch who rolled her eyes when she rang us up and asked the people behind us,"why do people bring coupons when they they pay with food stamps?"
after that cocksucker yelled at my wife they be became the enemy.
i began to make an effort to get down to the grocerie store more often. we stoped going to Mc donalds. i would go to the store and by ground beef and buns. then i would come back again fifteen minutes later smileing at the protesters outside.
"i forgot to get cheese and pickles." then stopping, reaching my hand in my pocket, and ploping a quarter into some fools coffe on the way out, "there you go. thanks for not touching the car man."
same thing with the liquor store.
the funny thing is, nobody ever said anything to me. i got a couple of dirty looks but people werent getting in my face like they did to sam. some fat cunt gave me a dirty look but she turned away when i mad dogged her back.
and that was it!
it seemed like it made sence.
it wasnt a fight. it was an event. like when they make you dress up like a christmass tree in 4th grade. nobody realy wanted to be there. ther union made them go. that fat bitch looked away because she didnt believe in what she was doing. most people dont believe in shit to begin with. much less a placebic labor movement. ther wasnt conviction behind their dirty stares. i want to call it mob rule but it was much more docile than that. it was more like a contagious yawn. it was a joke. a free pass for them to sit around in front of their store with their coworkers and talk shit to people. they hid in the crowd with a bully mentality that it was you that was trespassing. so i fuckin trespassed and every time i went to the store i made it a point to single one of THEM out and give THEM dirty looks until THEY turned away. and they always turned away. a snow ball of cowards.
so a few weeks go by and im still going to the vons as much as possible: batteries, tampons, vodka, lottery, cigarettes, my lunch break at the deli, and im even going inside the store to by an LA fuckin times. all this along with all our regular grocerie shopping. one day some one finaly says something to me.
"excuse me sir. we are currently locked out from returning to our jobs and would apreciate it if you would do your grocerie shopping else where this evening."
i paused for a moment... "you know... if you people would have carried yourselves with some dignity to begin with i might give a shit about what you all are going through. but you didnt. you yelled at my wife when she came to get diapers for our son. i dont fuckin feel sorry for you."
"im sorry sir that some of our union brothers have stepped out of line and insulted you but you have to understand the frustration and durress we are all ......."
"man fuck you! dont give me that bad apple bullllsshhhit! and dont give me that 'times is hard' shit either. i am the sole provider in my family and it doesnt look like its going to be a family much longer the way me and my wife are going at it. we have enough stress at home trying not to destroy each other in front our son and the one thing that we are able to co operate on is provideing for our son but we cant even do that because you stupid bitches think the reast of the world should stop what its doing and help you. and like i said, if you guys would have carried yourselves with some dignity i would give a fuck. but i dont. and do you want to know why exactly? because i work harder than you, i make less than you and i pay 5 times more in insurance than you. most of all if you guys win, you get to go back to a good job with good pay and good benifits. if you guys loose, you get to go back to a good job with good pay and good benifits. this isnt 1914, we arent in ludlow colorado, and you mother fuckers arent coal miners. now you think about that shit when you go back to work. when you have to look all those people in the eyes that you talked shit to. you think about it then because in a few years people will forget and you wont have to kiss our asses anymore to get us to come back and shop here. we wont remember anymore and you can go back to treating us like shit when we bring our foodstamps and our WIC vouchers."
i looked over and saw the girl that made that comment to us. she looked away. so i walked up to her.
"do you realy want to know why people bring coupons in with their food stamps? .....because theyre fuckin hungry."
yeah i remember that year. i worked two jobs. i never had money and i never slept. the problems of the middle class were an insult through the eyes of the working poor and to this day it takes a significant effort not to spit in the face of the few people who remember that lockout and sympithize with those chicken shit bastards. i look for a moral or a metaphore in all that shit but its just not there.
j
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Mary Crow and the sadness of Luke Sissyfag
i would take wolfgangs side if he werent an idiot. fundamentaly im down with what hes trying to say but the shit thats comeing out of his mouth is so idiotic im not even sure what the fuck hes trying to say.
"it was the fuckin bible thumpers that did this shit!! its so frustrating!! you have the bible thumpers on one side and the communists on the on the otherside!!! we got one side telling us how to live our lives. trying to make our bedrooms thier business and the other side telling us to redistribute the wealth. thats fuckin communism!!"
"no actually i think what theyre talking about is socialism." i said. " if america went communist , ironicaly enough, there wouldnt be a church to stop you from marrying your boyfriend."
his face turned red and his eyes glazed over with rage but he didnt say anything. he just looked at me like he wanted to slap me. he doesnt like me as it is and its because of comments like that. from time to time he will go off on pollitical tangents. mostly nonsense about the left wing being a bunch of commies trying to tell him to vote democratic because the republicans are trying to do him in for being a fag.
" i can vote however i want. im not gonna do what other people tell me to do. as a matter of fact i vote republican just because i cant stand people telling me what to do. i will not be influenced!!"
one day i comented to him, " you did the oposite of something some one wanted you to do just to spite them and you dont think they influenced you?" then i laughed in his face. ever since then he couldnt stand me.
but besides today and a handfull of other days i do honestly try to stay out of his conversations. especially if they're anything racialy or politicaly motivated because hes actually the most racist person at my work and he comes off as one those gay guys that hates women because his mom used to beat the shit out of him for being a fag. plus hes a gay, reactionary, republican thats easily influnced by the same negative propaganda he accuses the prop 8 folks of spreading. mostly right wing bullshit about welfare bankrupting the country or mexicans stealing our jobs. he never really has any facts to back up his point. he just blathers sound bites hes picked up here and there. he reads like a rightwing sandwich board. what ever the rights down with hes down with. funny though how he doesnt seem to think that two dudes nuptuals will destroy the american family as we know it. i guess the right is only full of shit when it comes to homos.
he managed to gather himself after my no church remark and carried on.....
"as i was saying before i was so rudely interupted... they say it was the the blacks and the mexicans that voted for prop 8 and i say bullshit!! it was the fuckin church!!"
just then one of our younger cashiers who happens to be black walked in.
"what did we do this time?" angella says.
"i was just saying how the church influenced the vote on prop 8 in the black community and the mexican community and everybody elses community bought into it."
"i guess." she said.
"what do you mean you guess!!?"
"i mean some people just dont want to see that. i got cousins and friends that dont go to church and they just against that and ill tell you right now half them lazy motherfuckers aint never voted in they lives. if they had voted it woulda been a bigger margin and aint none of that woulda had nuthin to do with no church. they just see them parades and that just freaks them out."
"dont you think think your being hyppocritical though!!!?"
"i aint sayin i think that way im just sayin thats how some people think. i dont care if yall get married. yall want the government involved in yalls relationship be my guest."
now this just made things worse. his face was getting red again.
"the governments already involved in my relationship!!! and all your cousins that did manage to get up off thier lazy asses and vote got involved in my relationship!!"
now she was starting to get pissed at him.
"who the FUCK you know thats related to me!! yall need to be turnin this conversation around before one of us get fired."
"im sorry im just so angry!! you have no idea how betrayed i feel right now. how would you like it if some one butted into your relationship? what if some one tried to impose thier morals on you? what if the church took this moral authority bullshit even further and tried to make it so you couldnt get married unless you were a virgin? would you care then? what would you do if a priest asked you at the alter if you were a virgin or not? huh? what would you say angella? are you a virgin angella? well are you?"
she shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
"i am in my booty."
his face went blank and he took a deep breath.
"i can understand how this doesnt mean shit to you after youve been danceing around all night slapping a tamborine and listening to organ music because YOUR president got elected but i dont care for your sarcasm and i think youre right i think i should leave before one of us gets fired for saying the wrong thing and by one of us i mean me. as for every one else that voted the way you did, and dont think i dont know who you are, you all just need to get over the fact that there are faggots in this world because weve been around since the begginning and we arent going any where!!"
he stormed out of the break room in tears and every body looked over at angella who just stood there slowly blinking as he walked out.
"i dont know what the fuck his problem is" she said " all them priest just a bunch of fags too. and who the fuck he talkin about 'dont think i dont know who you are'?"
"i think he was refering to me" lydia said.
she was another cashier. an older lady in like her 70's or something. shes a nice lady in general but because she could pass for 50 you forget just how old shcool this broad really is.
"me and him had this conversation a few weeks ago."
"you voted for the ban?" i asked her.
"well no i actually didnt vote this year and thats what our conversation was about. he asked me who i was gonna vote for and i told him that i really just didnt feel like going to the polls this year. when you get to be my age all thies candidates start to look alike and i really just didnt feel like dealing with the crowds. and then he asked me 'well what about prop 8? dont you think you should speak out for civil rights?' and i told him that if i did vote i would probably vote in favor of it but im not gonna vote so i havent put too much thought into it. and thats where the conversation ended. he didnt say anything after that and hasnt said anything to me since."
"so you dont think gays should get married?" i asked.
"no actually i dont care about the gay part its the marriage part that im concerned about. i just think that over all it sets a bad prescedent."
"like how?"
"i just think it opens the floodgates for other things like incestul marriage or beastial marriage. i mean we have to draw a line some where."
"wow" i said laughing."that is actually the dumbest thing ive ever heard in my fuckin life. so let me get this straight. you wont allow gays to get married because you dont want some dude to fuck a dog?? are you drunk or something?"
"listen i might be old but that doesnt mean that i cant have an opinion on the direction of my country. and plus im not the only one that feels this way you know. i have plenty of friends that did vote this year and they feel exactly the way i do about this."
"but dont you think thats lazy?"
"lazy? no. how is that lazy?"
"well first off... aint nobody talkin about fucking a dog but you and your creepy ass friends. last i remember this was about queers and lesbos. when the dog fucking sister lovers stand up and demand thier equal rights under the law we will deal with them accordingly. its called due proscess. you cant just blanket cover all of your paranoid american nightmares with one all encompassing law. if that were the case then there would only be ONE law in this entire land called -DONT FUCK UP-. and if you break that law your penalty would be -YOURE FUCKIN BUSTED-. you see what i mean? you have to deal with things one at a time. right now were talking about gay marriage. if you want to protest the wedding of some dude and a monkey your gonna have to get the fuck back in line and wait your turn."
"well its a moot point because it passed and thats the way the people want it and thats how it is now."
"i dont know." i said. "i dont think its gonna hold up."
"now whos being stupid." she said," HELLO.... its too late. the people voted."
"easy there donkey show. what i mean is that its a civil rights issue. civil rights cant be put up to a vote. did the south vote for integration? no. would they have? FUCK NO!!. that this was even on the ballot is a cop out to begin with. that fuckin toe head schwarzeneger and all those other pussys in sacramento didnt want to deal with it so they let voters decide. but like i said civil rights arent up to the majority to decide. if that were the case then we wouldnt need Adolf Hittler to have won WWII for this country to be a 'BLOND HAIRED, BLUE EYED' society. we would have just voted for it. this is gonna be decided in the state courts and eventually the united states supreme court. thats when well see if the true activist judges rear thier chickenshit heads because the law says equal rights for all. no second class citizens. will the right wing appointees live up to the law or will they turn around and say 'i dont give a fuck what the law says i just dont like faggots and cannot allow the practice of faggotry in MY america'."
i had a little bit more to say but i stoped. i could tell by the look on everybodys face that this shit was going right over thier heads. it didnt take too long after that for everybody to split up into thier own conversations. this being the first and last time they think about this. most of the people in the room couldnt give a fuck about marriage in general. most of the people i know as a matter of fact and i think thats what the problem is. or at least thats why things have gotten to this point. i dont want to call it apathy. its more of an underapreciation of the right to mary at all.
because alot of people dont give a shit to be married they dont see what the big fuckin deal is. ofcourse most of thies people will wind up married at some point later on in thier lives. and apropriatly they will wake up one day to look over at thier sleeping wife and wonder where the time went. they will wonder if the three year ongoing argument with no tangible point will ever end. they will wonder if they will ever see a vagina again. then they will ask themselves " where am i? what have i done?!!" then shoot themselves in the fuckin face.
but that is the joy yet to come.
as for now..... ?
..........well....
...... theyre all just little squirrels trying to get a nut. not apreciateing the privelage of this beautyfull demise called marriage. why? because its there. just sitting there. waiteing to be picked up and accidentaly fired at somebodys genitals. because of this we take it for granted. because its 'just there' we dont really ponder what marriage actually is or what it would be like if we had this grimm option taken away from us.
the really fucked up part about it is that the only really strong opinions on this subject out side of the gay community come from the dumb motherfuckers that feel threatened by gays.
a few months back i was sitting in that same break room informeing my self of the worlds goings on with a news paper when two of our outside vendors walked in to eat thier lunch. this was back when the courts over turned the first ban and it was makeing big head lines. one of the dudes happened to see the article from across the table and started complaining to his budy about it.
"are you reading that section?" he asked me.
"no. here dude go for it."
i wasnt paying attention to what thier conversation was about untill he turned to me and asked, "what do you think about that shit?"
"what shit?"
he turned the paper towards me and pointed at the headline CALLIFORNIA COURTS FINDS BAN UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
"who really gives a fuck?" i said.
"well i do."
"why? like how does this affect your life in any way shape or form? did somebody steal your boyfriend?"
"fuck that!! i aint in to that shit!" then he leaned closer," let me put it to you this way. do you have a kid?"
"yeah i gotta son."
"do you want him to see that shit? what if he wanted to be like that?"
"are you fuckin kidding me? i have a gay brother dude and my sons well aware of brothers 'CONDITION'. i was well aware of it groing up with him and some how i managed to keep another mans balls out of MY mouth. like if your ass is dealing with some temptations or something i think you need to take a long look inward."
" HEY MAN! i already told you i aint into that shit."
" well how about i ask YOU a question. do YOU have a fuckin kid?"
"no."
"then what the fuck at all do you know about raising a child? do you have a dog?"
"yeah."
"is your dog gay?"
"no."
"well then your fuckin stoked. dont trip."
thats when his buddy got into the conversation.
"look i dont have anything against gay people but........ "
he didnt have to finish his sentence. i knew what was comeing. he was gonna say it. i knew he was gonna say it and i already dispised him for it.
"................god made adam and eve not adam and steve."
he fuckin said it.
i rolled my eyes and sunk into my chair laughing my ass off.
"OH JEEESSUS CHRRRIIIIST!!!!! thats it?!! HA HA HA HA !! thats all you got? a fuckin bumper sticker? HA HA HA HA HA !! well if god didnt make steve then who the fuck is that dude in the purple thong and rollerskates suckin adams dick?!! HA HA HA HA HA !!! what the fuck did god name him? HA HA HA HA !! you simple mother fuckers."
he knew i was fucking with him and wasnt diggin my shit at all.
"what do you have a fuckin problem or something?" he snaped at me.
"no dude i just didnt realize i was in the presence of a theologian."
"whats a theologian?" he asked.
"HA HA HA HA HA !! ahhhh. sorry but this is palm springs bro. look around. this shit is just around. its every where and nobodys life is fuckin up because of it except for mabey you two for what ever strange reason."
"well were not from here."
"no shit? where you two dudes from?"
"HEMET." he said proudly as the first riff of 'dueling banjos' faintly echoed in from the distant hills.
i understood then what the score was. for those of you that dont know where or what Hemet is, its a little town, not too far from here, on the other side of the san jacinto mountains. if you drove up hwy 74 on the desert side you would be winding back and forth up a two lane road that took you from a rocky desert land scape to a pine coverd snowey forest and then back down the other side into to a farming community of rolling, hilly, grasslands that wreaked of cow shit. all in about 40 minutes. its kind of a microcosm of the diversity we got going on here in southern california. an hour drive in any direction could take you anywhere from checkin out bettys on the beach, to eating shit on a snow board, to raveing in downtown LA, to vomitting jeager out your nose on a dirt bike in the sand dunes of glammis in the span of one weekend. but thats just party mode. eventually you leave thies places and go back to what ever corner it is you came from to continue whatever shit you got going on there. every region is devided by thier drasticaly different environment and they all have there own ways even though they are so geographicly close to one another. this devision creates a sort of little pond hierarchy that is handed down from generation to generation. a class of bullys and snobs whos only real social agenda is to maintain the pecking order. so what happens is alot of the kids that grow up thies ponds cant fuckin stand that inbread mentality so they get the fuck out as soon as they can leaving behind the worst of the jack asses to rule over the rest of the jack asses. they head out to the citys or the beaches where they visited on thier own weekends and saw americas melting pot theory actually working. blacks, mexicans, whites, and asians all partying together, skating together, passing joints to one another, fucking, and mongrelizeing the races. they see two broads kissing and dont get a boner and realize porn fuckin lies. they see two dudes break up and it affecting thier whole neo-mulato circle because they are gonna have to chose sides just like any other group of friends would back home except this time its over two dudes. there is alot more integration and acceptance going on in the more densly populated areas in this state than in any other state but because it is so open we tend to forget about the deep divisions we as a whole still cary. we escaped our ponds to a better way and because this way dillutes the poison we dont feel as sick. we wind up forgeting that what we left behind is still there. the Hemets, the Bakersfields, the Temeculas, the Coachellas, the Yucca valleys, the Fontanas, they are all still there. left behind with the intolerant worst to breed a stronger and prouder bullshit.
thats who i realized was talking when thies two vendors (lets just call them adam and steve) proudly claimed the city of Hemet as thier home. i recognized thier breed. the isolation of a cow town and an infinit supply of the nazi meth crap out a whole new strain of racist. they call themselves skinheads but they are more peckerwood than punk. yeah i knew the score. better to just change the subject than fight over shit they will never understand in thier lives. so we started talking about washed up ass iron maiden and old school metal. when i was walking out of the break room i could hear adam ask steve under his breath, "seriously. what the fuck is a theologian?"
i knew at that moment that the right would try it again. and i knew they would win. because thies liberal communitys had started to become a little too inbread themselves. they are surrounded by people like them. mabey not in body but in mind. nobody in palm springs could imagine a majority of the coachella valley voteing for this measure. you hear so much talk about the gay communitys influence in this desert but whats actually being talked about is simply dollars. tourism dollars at that. half thies motherfuckers dont even live here. they just come down on the weekends to piss in eachothers faces and do lines of meth off thier boyfriends dicks. thier influence is only in commerce and even then thats only in the city of palm springs itself. the rest of the coachella valley could give a rats ass about the gay community and actually feel a resentment that this valley is even considered a "gay community". after all it wasnt that long ago that palm springs was synonymous with bikini clad, drunk, 19 year old chicks flashing thier tits and completely obliviouse of thier left lip hanging out the the side of thier g-string. and then dudes would see that shit and just start socking eachother in the face for no reason. could there possibly be a less apealling scene for a fag?
but then sonny bonnos geek ass came along and chased them all out of palm springs so him and his idiot wife could get ding donged on pills and shoot a round of golf in peace. now that all the rowdy jocks were gone and the rhondas werent flashing thier v'jay'jay's like cruscifixes the gays came out of the shadows and filled that vaccume that sonny bonno had intended for him and his wannabe masson friends.
so for the past 15 years the gay community in this desert have enjoyed a peacefull accepted existance in this desert. at least on palm canyon drive. like i said outside of palm springs there wasnt too much gettyness over this valley turning rainbow. im not just talking about the poorer "ethnic" neighborhoods on the east end either. im pretty sure there aint too many rich grey haired motherfuckers in indian wells that are happy to see two dudes holding hands.
because of this i could see prop 8 comeing.
there was a comfort level within in the gay community that disturbed me. especially the younger raved out queers that had no knowledge of the stone wall rebellion.* or who the fuck anita bryant was**. and then there were the hemp dykes that allowed this to be about love and WWJD. they all focused on the wrong shit. this wasnt about two marys getting married. this wasnt two diesels in viels. this was the fuckin gotdamn law. this is the about the the definition of a citizen. every citizen has the the privelege to every right atainable in this country.
if two citizens cant marry eachother than youre going to have to redefine what exactly a citizen is and isnt.
not MARRIAGE but a CITIZEN.
because if marriage is a right in this country then every citizen is allowed that right. straight up. and you cant argue that the founders of this country were of puritanical origins because the the founders of this country specificaly wrote puritans right the fuck out of the constitution. the puritans may have fled to america to avoid persicution but the first thing they did when they got here was persicute motherfuckers that didnt believe what they believed. not because they had a higher calling but because they were ignorant ass people when they were in thier own land that found themselves desperately ignorant in a land they did not belong in. the founding fathers were well aware of the danger of fanatics. after all they were fanatics themselves.
so they wrote the church out of any national decision makeing because they anticipated jerry jones. they anticipated tamborines and rattle snakes. they understood the difference between al sharpton and martin luther king jr. and because of all this they also played ball with the church. they understood that the fantastic promise of salvation could reuse a mob to over throw any government but if you controlled the person at the pulpit you controll the mob. so there is a give and take between the state and the church. the polliticians put up with the churches bullshit and sacrafice some of our liberties in order to get the votes of the pulpits mob except this time the mob got in over thier heads.
they used the voteing system to limit everyone to thier definition of marriage. it worked on a small scale in that it gave them the placeebo of the majoritys will. it gave them the impression that because they spoke loudly they had something to say. the ironic part is that nobody asked for this legislation. they just instigated it because they could and now it looks like its about to blow up in thier faces.
again.
legaly thier cause holds no water. its already been proven in the courts. the state constitution doesnt allow for there to be created a second class citizen so all that time and money spent getting thier initial legislation passed was a big waste of time. as you already know they took it a step further and amended the state constitution itself to ban gay marriage. but they left out one glareing detail. they forgot to amend the part where the state DOES NOT ALLOW for the creation of second class citizens.
thats fuckin twice.
this goes back to my point of citizenship. in order to ban gays from being married they are going to have to redefine what is a CITIZEN. theyre going to have to come up with a reason why it is legaly necesary to exclude one group of people, already defined as citizens of this country, from full citizenship.
i dont know about you but i personlly dont think "ADAM AND STEVE" is what the courts are looking for.
one person that agrees with me is CA attourney general jerry brown who stood by the duty of his office in vowing to fight on behalf of this legislation as it was voted for by the people of callifornia only to change his stance after going over the facts of the case and seeing exactly what i saw. that this is an issue of ctizenship and citezens rights. the prop 8 folks have given no real reason for there to be the creation of a second class citizen in this state or this country for that matter and thats the part that makes me giggle the most.
i giggle for the same reason i giggled at al gore when dee snyder exposed the PMRC for what it was and john denver shook his fist in defiance at the missguided ideals the PMRC stood for.
i giggle because the christian right actually started this shit and in persueing it to the extent they are, they may very well force the government to tell them in front of the world to "SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
the funniest part about this though...............
....... i wonder what the fuck jello biafras gay ass has to say about jerry brown now.
j
"it was the fuckin bible thumpers that did this shit!! its so frustrating!! you have the bible thumpers on one side and the communists on the on the otherside!!! we got one side telling us how to live our lives. trying to make our bedrooms thier business and the other side telling us to redistribute the wealth. thats fuckin communism!!"
"no actually i think what theyre talking about is socialism." i said. " if america went communist , ironicaly enough, there wouldnt be a church to stop you from marrying your boyfriend."
his face turned red and his eyes glazed over with rage but he didnt say anything. he just looked at me like he wanted to slap me. he doesnt like me as it is and its because of comments like that. from time to time he will go off on pollitical tangents. mostly nonsense about the left wing being a bunch of commies trying to tell him to vote democratic because the republicans are trying to do him in for being a fag.
" i can vote however i want. im not gonna do what other people tell me to do. as a matter of fact i vote republican just because i cant stand people telling me what to do. i will not be influenced!!"
one day i comented to him, " you did the oposite of something some one wanted you to do just to spite them and you dont think they influenced you?" then i laughed in his face. ever since then he couldnt stand me.
but besides today and a handfull of other days i do honestly try to stay out of his conversations. especially if they're anything racialy or politicaly motivated because hes actually the most racist person at my work and he comes off as one those gay guys that hates women because his mom used to beat the shit out of him for being a fag. plus hes a gay, reactionary, republican thats easily influnced by the same negative propaganda he accuses the prop 8 folks of spreading. mostly right wing bullshit about welfare bankrupting the country or mexicans stealing our jobs. he never really has any facts to back up his point. he just blathers sound bites hes picked up here and there. he reads like a rightwing sandwich board. what ever the rights down with hes down with. funny though how he doesnt seem to think that two dudes nuptuals will destroy the american family as we know it. i guess the right is only full of shit when it comes to homos.
he managed to gather himself after my no church remark and carried on.....
"as i was saying before i was so rudely interupted... they say it was the the blacks and the mexicans that voted for prop 8 and i say bullshit!! it was the fuckin church!!"
just then one of our younger cashiers who happens to be black walked in.
"what did we do this time?" angella says.
"i was just saying how the church influenced the vote on prop 8 in the black community and the mexican community and everybody elses community bought into it."
"i guess." she said.
"what do you mean you guess!!?"
"i mean some people just dont want to see that. i got cousins and friends that dont go to church and they just against that and ill tell you right now half them lazy motherfuckers aint never voted in they lives. if they had voted it woulda been a bigger margin and aint none of that woulda had nuthin to do with no church. they just see them parades and that just freaks them out."
"dont you think think your being hyppocritical though!!!?"
"i aint sayin i think that way im just sayin thats how some people think. i dont care if yall get married. yall want the government involved in yalls relationship be my guest."
now this just made things worse. his face was getting red again.
"the governments already involved in my relationship!!! and all your cousins that did manage to get up off thier lazy asses and vote got involved in my relationship!!"
now she was starting to get pissed at him.
"who the FUCK you know thats related to me!! yall need to be turnin this conversation around before one of us get fired."
"im sorry im just so angry!! you have no idea how betrayed i feel right now. how would you like it if some one butted into your relationship? what if some one tried to impose thier morals on you? what if the church took this moral authority bullshit even further and tried to make it so you couldnt get married unless you were a virgin? would you care then? what would you do if a priest asked you at the alter if you were a virgin or not? huh? what would you say angella? are you a virgin angella? well are you?"
she shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
"i am in my booty."
his face went blank and he took a deep breath.
"i can understand how this doesnt mean shit to you after youve been danceing around all night slapping a tamborine and listening to organ music because YOUR president got elected but i dont care for your sarcasm and i think youre right i think i should leave before one of us gets fired for saying the wrong thing and by one of us i mean me. as for every one else that voted the way you did, and dont think i dont know who you are, you all just need to get over the fact that there are faggots in this world because weve been around since the begginning and we arent going any where!!"
he stormed out of the break room in tears and every body looked over at angella who just stood there slowly blinking as he walked out.
"i dont know what the fuck his problem is" she said " all them priest just a bunch of fags too. and who the fuck he talkin about 'dont think i dont know who you are'?"
"i think he was refering to me" lydia said.
she was another cashier. an older lady in like her 70's or something. shes a nice lady in general but because she could pass for 50 you forget just how old shcool this broad really is.
"me and him had this conversation a few weeks ago."
"you voted for the ban?" i asked her.
"well no i actually didnt vote this year and thats what our conversation was about. he asked me who i was gonna vote for and i told him that i really just didnt feel like going to the polls this year. when you get to be my age all thies candidates start to look alike and i really just didnt feel like dealing with the crowds. and then he asked me 'well what about prop 8? dont you think you should speak out for civil rights?' and i told him that if i did vote i would probably vote in favor of it but im not gonna vote so i havent put too much thought into it. and thats where the conversation ended. he didnt say anything after that and hasnt said anything to me since."
"so you dont think gays should get married?" i asked.
"no actually i dont care about the gay part its the marriage part that im concerned about. i just think that over all it sets a bad prescedent."
"like how?"
"i just think it opens the floodgates for other things like incestul marriage or beastial marriage. i mean we have to draw a line some where."
"wow" i said laughing."that is actually the dumbest thing ive ever heard in my fuckin life. so let me get this straight. you wont allow gays to get married because you dont want some dude to fuck a dog?? are you drunk or something?"
"listen i might be old but that doesnt mean that i cant have an opinion on the direction of my country. and plus im not the only one that feels this way you know. i have plenty of friends that did vote this year and they feel exactly the way i do about this."
"but dont you think thats lazy?"
"lazy? no. how is that lazy?"
"well first off... aint nobody talkin about fucking a dog but you and your creepy ass friends. last i remember this was about queers and lesbos. when the dog fucking sister lovers stand up and demand thier equal rights under the law we will deal with them accordingly. its called due proscess. you cant just blanket cover all of your paranoid american nightmares with one all encompassing law. if that were the case then there would only be ONE law in this entire land called -DONT FUCK UP-. and if you break that law your penalty would be -YOURE FUCKIN BUSTED-. you see what i mean? you have to deal with things one at a time. right now were talking about gay marriage. if you want to protest the wedding of some dude and a monkey your gonna have to get the fuck back in line and wait your turn."
"well its a moot point because it passed and thats the way the people want it and thats how it is now."
"i dont know." i said. "i dont think its gonna hold up."
"now whos being stupid." she said," HELLO.... its too late. the people voted."
"easy there donkey show. what i mean is that its a civil rights issue. civil rights cant be put up to a vote. did the south vote for integration? no. would they have? FUCK NO!!. that this was even on the ballot is a cop out to begin with. that fuckin toe head schwarzeneger and all those other pussys in sacramento didnt want to deal with it so they let voters decide. but like i said civil rights arent up to the majority to decide. if that were the case then we wouldnt need Adolf Hittler to have won WWII for this country to be a 'BLOND HAIRED, BLUE EYED' society. we would have just voted for it. this is gonna be decided in the state courts and eventually the united states supreme court. thats when well see if the true activist judges rear thier chickenshit heads because the law says equal rights for all. no second class citizens. will the right wing appointees live up to the law or will they turn around and say 'i dont give a fuck what the law says i just dont like faggots and cannot allow the practice of faggotry in MY america'."
i had a little bit more to say but i stoped. i could tell by the look on everybodys face that this shit was going right over thier heads. it didnt take too long after that for everybody to split up into thier own conversations. this being the first and last time they think about this. most of the people in the room couldnt give a fuck about marriage in general. most of the people i know as a matter of fact and i think thats what the problem is. or at least thats why things have gotten to this point. i dont want to call it apathy. its more of an underapreciation of the right to mary at all.
because alot of people dont give a shit to be married they dont see what the big fuckin deal is. ofcourse most of thies people will wind up married at some point later on in thier lives. and apropriatly they will wake up one day to look over at thier sleeping wife and wonder where the time went. they will wonder if the three year ongoing argument with no tangible point will ever end. they will wonder if they will ever see a vagina again. then they will ask themselves " where am i? what have i done?!!" then shoot themselves in the fuckin face.
but that is the joy yet to come.
as for now..... ?
..........well....
...... theyre all just little squirrels trying to get a nut. not apreciateing the privelage of this beautyfull demise called marriage. why? because its there. just sitting there. waiteing to be picked up and accidentaly fired at somebodys genitals. because of this we take it for granted. because its 'just there' we dont really ponder what marriage actually is or what it would be like if we had this grimm option taken away from us.
the really fucked up part about it is that the only really strong opinions on this subject out side of the gay community come from the dumb motherfuckers that feel threatened by gays.
a few months back i was sitting in that same break room informeing my self of the worlds goings on with a news paper when two of our outside vendors walked in to eat thier lunch. this was back when the courts over turned the first ban and it was makeing big head lines. one of the dudes happened to see the article from across the table and started complaining to his budy about it.
"are you reading that section?" he asked me.
"no. here dude go for it."
i wasnt paying attention to what thier conversation was about untill he turned to me and asked, "what do you think about that shit?"
"what shit?"
he turned the paper towards me and pointed at the headline CALLIFORNIA COURTS FINDS BAN UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
"who really gives a fuck?" i said.
"well i do."
"why? like how does this affect your life in any way shape or form? did somebody steal your boyfriend?"
"fuck that!! i aint in to that shit!" then he leaned closer," let me put it to you this way. do you have a kid?"
"yeah i gotta son."
"do you want him to see that shit? what if he wanted to be like that?"
"are you fuckin kidding me? i have a gay brother dude and my sons well aware of brothers 'CONDITION'. i was well aware of it groing up with him and some how i managed to keep another mans balls out of MY mouth. like if your ass is dealing with some temptations or something i think you need to take a long look inward."
" HEY MAN! i already told you i aint into that shit."
" well how about i ask YOU a question. do YOU have a fuckin kid?"
"no."
"then what the fuck at all do you know about raising a child? do you have a dog?"
"yeah."
"is your dog gay?"
"no."
"well then your fuckin stoked. dont trip."
thats when his buddy got into the conversation.
"look i dont have anything against gay people but........ "
he didnt have to finish his sentence. i knew what was comeing. he was gonna say it. i knew he was gonna say it and i already dispised him for it.
"................god made adam and eve not adam and steve."
he fuckin said it.
i rolled my eyes and sunk into my chair laughing my ass off.
"OH JEEESSUS CHRRRIIIIST!!!!! thats it?!! HA HA HA HA !! thats all you got? a fuckin bumper sticker? HA HA HA HA HA !! well if god didnt make steve then who the fuck is that dude in the purple thong and rollerskates suckin adams dick?!! HA HA HA HA HA !!! what the fuck did god name him? HA HA HA HA !! you simple mother fuckers."
he knew i was fucking with him and wasnt diggin my shit at all.
"what do you have a fuckin problem or something?" he snaped at me.
"no dude i just didnt realize i was in the presence of a theologian."
"whats a theologian?" he asked.
"HA HA HA HA HA !! ahhhh. sorry but this is palm springs bro. look around. this shit is just around. its every where and nobodys life is fuckin up because of it except for mabey you two for what ever strange reason."
"well were not from here."
"no shit? where you two dudes from?"
"HEMET." he said proudly as the first riff of 'dueling banjos' faintly echoed in from the distant hills.
i understood then what the score was. for those of you that dont know where or what Hemet is, its a little town, not too far from here, on the other side of the san jacinto mountains. if you drove up hwy 74 on the desert side you would be winding back and forth up a two lane road that took you from a rocky desert land scape to a pine coverd snowey forest and then back down the other side into to a farming community of rolling, hilly, grasslands that wreaked of cow shit. all in about 40 minutes. its kind of a microcosm of the diversity we got going on here in southern california. an hour drive in any direction could take you anywhere from checkin out bettys on the beach, to eating shit on a snow board, to raveing in downtown LA, to vomitting jeager out your nose on a dirt bike in the sand dunes of glammis in the span of one weekend. but thats just party mode. eventually you leave thies places and go back to what ever corner it is you came from to continue whatever shit you got going on there. every region is devided by thier drasticaly different environment and they all have there own ways even though they are so geographicly close to one another. this devision creates a sort of little pond hierarchy that is handed down from generation to generation. a class of bullys and snobs whos only real social agenda is to maintain the pecking order. so what happens is alot of the kids that grow up thies ponds cant fuckin stand that inbread mentality so they get the fuck out as soon as they can leaving behind the worst of the jack asses to rule over the rest of the jack asses. they head out to the citys or the beaches where they visited on thier own weekends and saw americas melting pot theory actually working. blacks, mexicans, whites, and asians all partying together, skating together, passing joints to one another, fucking, and mongrelizeing the races. they see two broads kissing and dont get a boner and realize porn fuckin lies. they see two dudes break up and it affecting thier whole neo-mulato circle because they are gonna have to chose sides just like any other group of friends would back home except this time its over two dudes. there is alot more integration and acceptance going on in the more densly populated areas in this state than in any other state but because it is so open we tend to forget about the deep divisions we as a whole still cary. we escaped our ponds to a better way and because this way dillutes the poison we dont feel as sick. we wind up forgeting that what we left behind is still there. the Hemets, the Bakersfields, the Temeculas, the Coachellas, the Yucca valleys, the Fontanas, they are all still there. left behind with the intolerant worst to breed a stronger and prouder bullshit.
thats who i realized was talking when thies two vendors (lets just call them adam and steve) proudly claimed the city of Hemet as thier home. i recognized thier breed. the isolation of a cow town and an infinit supply of the nazi meth crap out a whole new strain of racist. they call themselves skinheads but they are more peckerwood than punk. yeah i knew the score. better to just change the subject than fight over shit they will never understand in thier lives. so we started talking about washed up ass iron maiden and old school metal. when i was walking out of the break room i could hear adam ask steve under his breath, "seriously. what the fuck is a theologian?"
i knew at that moment that the right would try it again. and i knew they would win. because thies liberal communitys had started to become a little too inbread themselves. they are surrounded by people like them. mabey not in body but in mind. nobody in palm springs could imagine a majority of the coachella valley voteing for this measure. you hear so much talk about the gay communitys influence in this desert but whats actually being talked about is simply dollars. tourism dollars at that. half thies motherfuckers dont even live here. they just come down on the weekends to piss in eachothers faces and do lines of meth off thier boyfriends dicks. thier influence is only in commerce and even then thats only in the city of palm springs itself. the rest of the coachella valley could give a rats ass about the gay community and actually feel a resentment that this valley is even considered a "gay community". after all it wasnt that long ago that palm springs was synonymous with bikini clad, drunk, 19 year old chicks flashing thier tits and completely obliviouse of thier left lip hanging out the the side of thier g-string. and then dudes would see that shit and just start socking eachother in the face for no reason. could there possibly be a less apealling scene for a fag?
but then sonny bonnos geek ass came along and chased them all out of palm springs so him and his idiot wife could get ding donged on pills and shoot a round of golf in peace. now that all the rowdy jocks were gone and the rhondas werent flashing thier v'jay'jay's like cruscifixes the gays came out of the shadows and filled that vaccume that sonny bonno had intended for him and his wannabe masson friends.
so for the past 15 years the gay community in this desert have enjoyed a peacefull accepted existance in this desert. at least on palm canyon drive. like i said outside of palm springs there wasnt too much gettyness over this valley turning rainbow. im not just talking about the poorer "ethnic" neighborhoods on the east end either. im pretty sure there aint too many rich grey haired motherfuckers in indian wells that are happy to see two dudes holding hands.
because of this i could see prop 8 comeing.
there was a comfort level within in the gay community that disturbed me. especially the younger raved out queers that had no knowledge of the stone wall rebellion.* or who the fuck anita bryant was**. and then there were the hemp dykes that allowed this to be about love and WWJD. they all focused on the wrong shit. this wasnt about two marys getting married. this wasnt two diesels in viels. this was the fuckin gotdamn law. this is the about the the definition of a citizen. every citizen has the the privelege to every right atainable in this country.
if two citizens cant marry eachother than youre going to have to redefine what exactly a citizen is and isnt.
not MARRIAGE but a CITIZEN.
because if marriage is a right in this country then every citizen is allowed that right. straight up. and you cant argue that the founders of this country were of puritanical origins because the the founders of this country specificaly wrote puritans right the fuck out of the constitution. the puritans may have fled to america to avoid persicution but the first thing they did when they got here was persicute motherfuckers that didnt believe what they believed. not because they had a higher calling but because they were ignorant ass people when they were in thier own land that found themselves desperately ignorant in a land they did not belong in. the founding fathers were well aware of the danger of fanatics. after all they were fanatics themselves.
so they wrote the church out of any national decision makeing because they anticipated jerry jones. they anticipated tamborines and rattle snakes. they understood the difference between al sharpton and martin luther king jr. and because of all this they also played ball with the church. they understood that the fantastic promise of salvation could reuse a mob to over throw any government but if you controlled the person at the pulpit you controll the mob. so there is a give and take between the state and the church. the polliticians put up with the churches bullshit and sacrafice some of our liberties in order to get the votes of the pulpits mob except this time the mob got in over thier heads.
they used the voteing system to limit everyone to thier definition of marriage. it worked on a small scale in that it gave them the placeebo of the majoritys will. it gave them the impression that because they spoke loudly they had something to say. the ironic part is that nobody asked for this legislation. they just instigated it because they could and now it looks like its about to blow up in thier faces.
again.
legaly thier cause holds no water. its already been proven in the courts. the state constitution doesnt allow for there to be created a second class citizen so all that time and money spent getting thier initial legislation passed was a big waste of time. as you already know they took it a step further and amended the state constitution itself to ban gay marriage. but they left out one glareing detail. they forgot to amend the part where the state DOES NOT ALLOW for the creation of second class citizens.
thats fuckin twice.
this goes back to my point of citizenship. in order to ban gays from being married they are going to have to redefine what is a CITIZEN. theyre going to have to come up with a reason why it is legaly necesary to exclude one group of people, already defined as citizens of this country, from full citizenship.
i dont know about you but i personlly dont think "ADAM AND STEVE" is what the courts are looking for.
one person that agrees with me is CA attourney general jerry brown who stood by the duty of his office in vowing to fight on behalf of this legislation as it was voted for by the people of callifornia only to change his stance after going over the facts of the case and seeing exactly what i saw. that this is an issue of ctizenship and citezens rights. the prop 8 folks have given no real reason for there to be the creation of a second class citizen in this state or this country for that matter and thats the part that makes me giggle the most.
i giggle for the same reason i giggled at al gore when dee snyder exposed the PMRC for what it was and john denver shook his fist in defiance at the missguided ideals the PMRC stood for.
i giggle because the christian right actually started this shit and in persueing it to the extent they are, they may very well force the government to tell them in front of the world to "SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
the funniest part about this though...............
....... i wonder what the fuck jello biafras gay ass has to say about jerry brown now.
j
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